Dealing with Parole, Jail and Regret.

The Wisdom of Allah’s great plan is something that we should never question or doubt… I know there are points in everyones life when their faith is low that they do question what’s happening to them or they are blind to the benefits and only focus on the pain of emotions which haunt their thoughts.. But you must be strong and reaffirm your trust in Allah, especially during the times you see as the worst.

For example recently my faith was really low and my deen was struggling because of my own negligence and lack of remembrance due to such a hectic lifestyle. My probation term with the Criminal courts was finally coming to an end after 7 years, and the police were constantly trying to find a breach of my conditions or catch me on a slip. I was really stressed with the random searches of my home, pulling me over on the road hoping to find “something”, and their surveillance the last month before my term ended. But I didnt speak about it to anyone, not even my family.

Even the conversations with them, They remind you of what you did and of course doubt whether you’ve really changed. Memories replay in your mind and you just want the nitemare to be over. Even when the trouble all began and I made my mistakes, I sat in jail wondering how could this happen? Why did I make those choices? How could I cause so much stress for my parents and why was I on such a self destructive path?

I would wish I found Islam before this great test and thought maybe I could’ve avoided making those choices or going to jail in the first place… But this is the Qadr of Allah, and it was written. The choice was not mine to make.

As time went on, it was those moments that I realized I needed Allah the most. It was those moments that I realized that I will never be able to do anything good on my own. If Allah isn’t a priority in my life, I’ll never be successful, or content, or guided, nor have any strength to face the trials before me and turn something so negative into something of benefit for myself and for others.

We are so blind to the benefits of trials when we are overcome by the stress and frustration they can bring, but its those same trials, mistakes, and moments that Allah uses to give us benefit for our future. There isn’t one person of influence in our Nation who has not gone through extreme conditions of tests and trials, but when they survive you will see those same people use their tragedies to help others who are going through their own trials later on.

Always trust Allah no matter how low you’ve fallen, and realise that He alone is the one who will give you the strength to get through them. He alone is the one who can save you and He alone is the One who has a beautiful purpose for the pain in your life.

Perhaps one day you will be a source of support for others who are astray, to remind them of Allah’s Mercy and to remind them that the fall is not the end of your life, but instead it is the beginning of your path towards reformation and repentance. When you cause destruction to your own soul, the only thing you will have left is your regret and your desire to repair your relationship with Allah.

If that is all you have, then that goal and regret you feel means that you have everything. Your relationship with Allah is everything, and any trial that makes you rely only on Him because no one else can help you is a blessing that you should be grateful for. Don’t cry over your pain and situation, see the benefit of what it can bring you.

– Umar

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