I was born in Canada and our family grew up like any other normal Canadian family. We weren’t raised with much religion in our household – but both of our parents always believed in One God. We heard bits and pieces here and there, of stories in the past but it would often the Christian / Orthodox versions. We would attend church with our Father during Easter, Christmas, weddings and funerals.
Growing up was pretty rough on us; my Mom being a single mother of four was always busy working to support us, since my parent had divorced. I was the baby of the family and my elder brother and sisters were always caught up with their friends growing up. I was pretty much on my own, with only the friends I had at school constantly around me. During Jr high I started to drink and blaze. My friends and I would party as often as we could; being only the ages of fourteen when we started out, life was all about rebelling and having fun. I had many different groups of friends. all into their different lifestyles – some who were into things which weren’t good or what the law would consider “legal”. To date, I have had many friends pass way; double digit numbers. My friends and I have probably attended more funerals than we have weddings; within five years, we had around ten to fifteen friends pass away. There were quite a few situations where my life was saved by Allah in one way or another… situations where I thought I should have passed away for sure. Most of the time while I grew up, I didn’t really believe in God or religion. I thought religion was brainwashed propaganda, to control the masses. So although these miracles would occur… I didn’t know who to give credit to or what went on in the world of the unseen.
For many years I was constantly out with friends, sometimes only coming home to eat and sleep. I dropped out of high school, was very distant from my family and completely lost. They showed alot of concern but our relationship had reached a stage where it was hanging by a thread, as I’d never take heed of any of their advice and remained stubborn, living how I wanted to. Around the same time, I started to feel distant from even my friends aswell. I knew they were leading me down a path I’d regret and their their influence had already caused so much harm; my heart reached a point where the only feeling it would have is pain. I didn’t know how to be happy anymore, nor did I see a way out.
Towards the end of that phase in my life, there was one incident which caused me to have a punctured lung. I could feel myself clinging on to dear life in the ambulance and because of the severity of my condition, they needed to take me to the main hospital in our city, which was a good drive away, instead of my local one just down the street from my house. I was struggling so hard to breath and after thinking that would be the end of my life for sure, I looked out of the ambulance window and I could see the most beautiful sunset as we drove through the river valley on route. Right after this, I passed out. Allah knows best what happened after; I can’t even describe the feeling… my soul left my body and I felt so intensely connected to every living thing. The energy vibrating was like nothing of this world and I could see my body in the moving ambulance, as I hovered above. I was almost attached to it and remaining in movement above my body as the ambulance drove. Allah Azzawajal knows best what I experienced but after hovering, something made me feel that it isn’t my time, and I thought I have to return to my body before its too late. It was almost as if Allah was talking to the angels and not me directly but of course that knowledge is only with Allah. After I felt that, my soul felt like it was pushed back towards my body and I went through the ambulance roof, as soon as I hit my body everything went black. I woke up 3 days later in the Intensive Care ward at the hospital, as my family and the doctors stared in amazement.
My body was vibrating so much; I wasn’t sure it if was the medicines or what but I’ve never felt anything like it, it was vibration of energy, almost as if I was trying to settle back into my body. The doctors said that due to lack of oxygen to my brain for so long, I should have minor, if not major brain damage. They started asking if I knew who I was and explained I may not remember how to talk, then asked if I knew or could say my name. As my family watched in suspense to see if I could even talk, I told the doctor that of course I know who I am, and I’m fine. The doctor was astonished as soon as I started telling him the names of my Family members and my birthday. I didn’t understand what the big deal was until later when I found out I had flatlined for 3 minutes straight. I was technically pronounced dead and according to them, it scientifically takes around 60 to 90 seconds, until the brain starts to deteriorate and break down from the lack of oxygen. Alhamdulillah I didn’t have any brain damage or memory loss at all and it was a miracle!! SubhanAllah! Allah is certainly the Most Merciful! It was such a profound experience for me.
During the time after this incident, I reflected a lot about how I’d been living my life and what I was doing with it. Also, seeing the love and the support from my family after all I put them through, made me feel overwhelmed with remorse and guilt for my actions. I decided I need to make changes in my life immediately. When I had felt I left my body in the ambulance… to be honest, I actually wanted to die. I felt so at peace when I left my body; whether that was real or a dream, only Allah swt knows best. But Alhamdulillah it wasn’t decreed for me to die at that time. I ended up reflecting and studying a lot afterwards; analyzing who I was as a person, society and this world, wondering how everything works. I wondered about what happened that day in the ambulance for weeks and questioned: why did whoever that was out there spare my life??? I was wasting it all away, so why would I be granted a second chance after doing nothing productive with my life and mistreating my family?
Prior to being in Intensive Care at the hospital, I had been convinced that there was no God and religion was all made up. The trinity made no sense to me at all and all the religions seemed to contradict themselves. I believed they were just another system of man-made control, so I was a Atheist in a way. I classified myself as spiritual and although I didn’t believe in religion, I never refuted the possibility of a Creator or divine power. I just didn’t believe any religion had the answers I was looking for. As the years went on I became heavily interested in conspiracy theories. I learned all I could about the Pharmaceutical industry, media, government and the elite families who run the world. I always knew in my heart that this world was so evil and unjust; I couldn’t find any peace or contentment in my whole life up until then, feeling only pain and suffering from anything I attached my heart too. In a sense that’s all I was searching for; a Truth that could answer all of my questions and make sense of everything wrong I was seeing in the world. As I learned more, I started to make connections with satanic rituals and symbolism in the music industry; i started seeing how pretty much everything connected. It peaked my interest because if the elite, richest, most powerful and influential people were all were worshiping satan and taking part in these satanic cults, then to believe in satan… Our Creator has to exist!! I never heard of Islam before but in my research I stumbled upon a video series called “The Arrivals”. I couldn’t stop watching it and SubhanAllah it was filled with so much useful information confirming a lot of my beliefs already, on the magic and brainwashing the Elite use to control the masses. By the time I finished it, everything I believed in was confirmed and everything I questioned was answered. I didn’t convert right away but after that, I did promise myself that if Islam is true after my thorough investigation… I’d accept it. I’m a very skeptical person and I don’t like to take anyone’s word for anything, so I investigated and begun to draw my own conclusions. I started studying everything I could about Islam and Muslims.
I needed to know who Allah was, the prophets, the jinn, Iblis, dajjal, the angels, mecca, hajj, the kabba. I wanted to investigate Islam so thoroughly, to insure there were absolutely no contradictions; no shades of grey. I studied what people said against Islam, so I could learn about their true treatment of women, their true beliefs on non believers. I researched what the haters of Islam would claim and accuse it of, then the responses from the Muslim world. Its never fair to only seek one side of the coin for information and I needed to be sure, as this was a life changing decision.
By the time I finished learning about Islam, I can’t even describe how amazed I was, how much peace entered my heart, or how inspired and grateful I felt that Allah swt guided me to every answer I was seeking. I was very hesitant to convert because of the changes my lifestyle required, and to be honest I wasn’t even sure how I could hope to fullfill the obligations and 5 pillars, but I knew undoubtedly that regardless of these concerns, I did NOT want to die before taking the Shahada. So Alhamdulillah I took it, and in regards to all of the things I needed to reform, it’s a working progress day by day. But Alhamdulillah that Allah Azzawajal has made it easy on me, although I still have a far way to go. Alhamdulillah that the truth has entered my heart now, and a whole new battle has begun. None of us know what the future holds but in shah Allah the struggle against my old self to become a better Muslim is worthy enough, that Allah is pleased with my effort. May Allah Azzawajal turn our hearts and make it firm on the deen, and may He forgive us our sins and reunite our families and us in Jennah. Aameen, and May Allah be pleased with you all. Ameen.